Untamed Self-Love

Did you know that you don’t have to like yourself in order to love yourself? Self-love doesn’t necessarily mean you have to like exactly who you are, how your behaving, or what you are doing every moment of each day. For example, let’s think about a healthy relationship between a mother and her child. If the child is crying, the mother will of course comfort her. Even though the mother doesn’t like when her child cries and would prefer her to be happy and smiling, she still loves her child and will provide undivided attention and be present for her. There will always be aspects about ourselves we don’t like or wish to ignore, like that child crying out for comfort, but we must find that loving relationship with our inner child. It takes time and there will be ups and downs but don’t give up on yourself. Learn to love yourself. Self-love is the act of being present and attentive with yourself no matter what and being honest with how you are feeling with every breath you take. Self-love might sound like a radical concept, but it’s really not. It’s simply taking the love, affection, attention, forgiveness, happiness, joy and acceptance that you give to others and turn it inward before giving your love to someone else. When you learn how to love yourself it becomes easier to attract the right kind of love into your life. It’s about setting boundaries, knowing your worth, being co-dependent and making decisions that align with who you are. Have you achieved internal emotional stability within your life yet?

Let’s dive into the word LOVE. It’s something we all seek, whether in a platonic way or in a romantic way. Love can be a confusing concept. We are flooded with ideas of what love is suppose to be in the books we read, in the movies we watch, and in “reality” TV shows. But what is it really suppose to look and feel like? Well, the truth is, it looks different for everyone. We must not let confusing and unrealistic distractions keep us from finding genuine love, the love we desire. But first, we must love ourselves in order to love others.

So, how do we do this? To be honest, it takes a lot of work, continuous work and action. It requires action, implementation and integration. But this self-love will permeate into all areas of your life. The results will be worth it. It will bring you a life you love as much as you love yourself. Take steps towards positive change and challenge yourself to strengthen these 5 principles. It doesn’t happen over night. Self-love is a practice. Start with acceptance. Be gentle with yourself. Practice being kind to yourself no matter what happens during your day. Write yourself a letter of forgiveness. As your writing it, think about how you would write a letter to your child or friend for doing the best they could. Be kind, understanding, and hold a space for forgiveness. Also, change your self-talk. Replace phrases like, “I’m not good enough” with “I am enough” and/or “I do enough.” “I am strong and capable.”. “I am unique, special and remarkable.” “I am so grateful that I am me.” Another principle to work on is respect. Practice setting personal boundaries. Say yes when you mean yes and no when you mean no. It’s okay to say no sometimes and you don’t need to explain why it’s a no. It just is! Have you ever wanted to just say no? Reflect on your self-respect. Ask yourself, “Why am I putting myself last and why is it okay to be putting myself last?” “What am I tolerating that I should not be?” Prioritize you! Allocate your time in such a way that allows you to prioritize acts of self-love. Maybe get a workout in, read a good book you’ve been meaning to read, go get your nails done, take a walk, or call a friend you’ve been missing. Journal little notes to yourself. Say things like, “I love every inch of my body and I am grateful for its abilities. I am worthy of love, capable of receiving love, and give love freely. I am radiant, beautiful and bright.” Do something that shows yourself respect. Awareness is another principle to work on. Stop and pause! Implement the power of the pause button. Notice things about yourself that you may not love with curiosity so it allows yourself to ask questions. Pause in that moment and ask, “What’s going on here? or “What am I doing?” Experiment with meditation. It’s a great way to relax the mind, body and soul. It allows you to look inward and observe your inner world by sitting still for just a moment with your eyes closed. You can say Mantras like, “Love flows to me and through me with ease. My heart is full of love and goodness. My mind is limitless.” Practice deep breathing. There are lots of techniques. Try starting with the 6-3 breathing technique. You will breathe in for 6 counts, hold for 3 counts and then exhale for 6 counts. Then pause and repeat. You can do this for as many times it’s comfortable for you. Another important principle is knowledge. Explore who you are and clarify your core values. Get to know yourself better by considering what your top 3 or 4 values are. Recognize, in that moment, who you are and how it can change from time to time. Give yourself permission to be someone different today than you were yesterday, a better version of yourself each day. Lastly, trust yourself. Say, “I trust myself to make great decisions.” Trust that you are safe to express yourself in a bolder way than usual, even if others don’t approve. Trust that your body is always sending you important messages. Try naming how you feel right now aloud. How did that make you feel? Free? Relieved? You be the judge! There is no right or wrong way to feel. They’re your feelings and they are all valid.

Build a baseline of self-love by experimenting with as many of these ideas as possible. The art of self-love is a lifelong practice and commitment, so be kind with yourself and take each day as it comes. A positive view of yourself is the first step towards self-love. You receive countless messages everyday, positive and negative messages. Don’t let the negative voice inside your head feed you. Practice the 5 principles each time you hear the negative voice inside you and don’t let it get the best of you. To silence it, replace it with positive affirmations. This will train your brain to choose positive over negative. There’s only one definition of love that truly matters and that is, the one you define within yourself. Take that deep dive into who you are and pursue yourself with intense passion. Can you do this? I know you can! Do you love yourself? Show yourself YOU DO! You owe it to yourself. You only get this one life. Make it yours.